Category: Loss

Treasures from the Waves

Early on I read that grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves. Some waves are large and nearly knock you off your feet when they crash into you. As time goes on, those waves become smaller and easier to withstand. They don’t disappear, but you learn to anticipate them-birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. Those roll […]

Embracing Brokenness

” I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone: but if it die, it brings forth much fruit” John 12:24 Growing up, I had absolutely no idea what that meant. I carefully planted seeds one by one and covered them with dirt. What happened in […]

Losing Myself in Grief

I get up every morning with the sun (or before as I don’t sleep much these days). I shower, feed the kids, we work hard at school, we run to piano, swim lessons, the bank, the grocery store. I smile at all the right people, make the necessary eye contact, and speak politely to the […]

Gaining Strength from each Other

Sometimes I picture my husband and I as two tall trees growing side by side. Perhaps he’s a strong oak and I a colorful maple or we are both cedars reaching for the sky. We are independent people, in need of our own space to be individuals (and do things our way!) but our long […]

Letting Go of Anger

My goal for 2018 is “letting go”. When I originally mentioned it in “Family, Fun, and Forgetting my Hairbrush”, I was thinking about Rebekah. I thought that might be too steep a goal so I took a look around my house and decided I could “let go” of the clutter or the dust or sink […]

Rebekah’s Heart

Every night Rebekah and I would play this game. As I tucked her into bed, she would say, “I love you” and I would say, “I love you more”. She would then say, “No, I love you more!” and we would go back and forth several times as I kissed each of my kiddos and […]

Nasty Colds and Pandora

Hi everyone. Last week was a long week of sleepless nights and snotty noses. Brett, Caleb, Joshua, and Joel came down with colds. Brett had to endure it on the road, while I spent the week holding a crabby toddler on one hip and a crying baby on the other. We have lingering coughs, but […]

How a Family Christmas Vacation Helped our Grief

I knew our first Christmas without Rebekah would be difficult. I had no idea what that actually meant, but in anticipation of needing to get away, we booked a couple nights at a large resort several hours from our home. A Christmas vacation to look forward to and focus on just us might help. This […]

The Happiest Time of the Year??

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I enjoy the bright decorations and plates of cookies. I enjoy shopping for the perfect gift and anticipating the joy of the receiver. I love the secrets, cards, snow, and time with family. I love the enthusiasm of my kids as they shop for each other […]

My Love didn’t End when Her Life Did

We decorated Rebekah’s grave last Saturday. The boys pushed holiday signs into the half frozen ground-plump snowmen and happy penguins. Friends hung a wreath with a large glittery bow. A purple snow globe with a friendly polar bear completes our decorations. It looks festive. As festive as a grave can be, I guess. It’s not […]

Thankfulness in the Face of my Grief

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Usually it is a happy time of year for me, full of laughter, anticipation of delicious food, and the joy of being with the people who love me most. This year is not full of laughter. Can I really be thankful when my little girl is gone? The kids are memorizing Psalm […]

Suffering to Learn Obedience

Throughout the Bible there is a running theme about suffering, trials, and temptations. We live in a fallen world and these things happen, not at the hand of God, but at the hand of satan. As I was pondering this and skimming through my Bible searching for verses, I was amazed at the number of […]

Gifts from Heaven

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes. Some come in brightly wrapped paper, some in a plastic bag and yet others appear on my cluttered desk without any presentation. They are big like the new car my husband parked in our garage as a surprise back in our early years of marriage. Those were scarce […]

Grief- My Dark Hole

I imagine my grief as a dark hole. Its a hole in a sand pit. It’s deep, it’s dark, it’s cold, but mostly it’s scary because I cannot see the bottom. Some days, I hoist my upper body out of the darkness and breathe in fresh air and sunshine, but most days I live just […]

That First Week

I had never lost anyone close to me. I had spent hours praying for people in my life who had lost someone close to them. I had tried to relate to their feelings, but never realized how far away I was from their pain. I felt sad for them, I cried for them, but grief […]

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